My Neighbor Ron

It is important to make nice with new neighbors, or too much time will pass and it will become so awkward to finally speak to them, that you never will.

Keeping that in mind, I have made a point to meet all of my new neighbors. One of these new neighbors is a man named Ron. Ron lives in one of the apartments flanking ours. When I met him entering his apartment one evening, he was wearing an old Harley sweatshirt with the sleeves cut off, a dirty ball cap, a salt and pepper two-day beard, jean shorts and flip flops. His arms were blanketed in decades-old cliche' hard-ass tattoos: Harley Davidson, tribal band, Superman emblem, and I'm pretty sure there were some flames in there.

We exchanged a few words and a handshake. He expressed his disbelief that the former tenant of my apartment had already moved out. We parted amicably, but he said I probably wouldn't see a lot of him, as he leaves for work early.

The next evening, while enjoying another lovely dinner with my fiance', we heard it.

Music poured out of his apartment and leaked into ours. I wasn't sure what it was at first- it was definitely a female singer and she was singing with some soul. The song repeated...and repeated...

It wasn't until we left to take a walk, and were in the hallway that Jessica could ascertain exactly whose pipes we were hearing- Cher.

For the next week, everyday when Ron got home from work, I would hear him play Cher. I Google searched some of the lyrics to conclude that Ron is in love with the song "You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from the musical Burlesque. He comes home from work between 4:00-4:30pm, and plays the song between two and three times. I like to believe that this song is a part of some strange post-workday routine that Ron has. I imagine this involves some naked yoga, in an attempt at auto-fellatio and White Zinfandel. Whatever the case, I'm sure it leaves him very fulfilled.

Since I discovered what song he is always playing, I too blast Cher as soon as I hear her sultry voice echoing from Ron's domain. I don't know what he thinks of this, but the last time I did it he stopped her halfway through her second performance. Progress.

Now, please enjoy my neighbor Ron's favorite song in the wide world:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOOYYyJ9C18