Chicago Drama

Walking down Montrose on my way home from a haircut, I witnessed a spectacle about thirty yards ahead of me...

What I saw was an Asian man (I like to guess, and would say Filipino) wearing a tank-top and jean shorts, smashing a cell-phone on the sidewalk. Then an Asian woman (probably also Filipino) thrashing him in the face with her keys while yelling at him (probably also in Filipino).

Alarmed, I looked up and down the street as if I would find a helpful policeman standing on a corner complete with copper buttons, whistle-in-mouth, gently patting his palm with a billy club. Finding none, I momentarily considered stepping in. Luckily, I came to an important realization: If I stepped in now, I would have to step in every time something like this happened, which in Chicago means I would risk having my face lacerated with keys everyday. My next thought was, "Where is that fuckin' guy with the cap, mask and binoculars I saw at the El stop on Friday? He should be here." [These vigilante-type "heroes" are now in pretty much every major U.S. city. If you don't have at least one, you ain't shit. I'm looking at you Aurora].

The couple continued down the street, with the man following behind the woman. She would periodically turn around and get in his face again, and one time he almost got hit by a biker trying to avoid her gaze.

For the rest of the walk home, I mentally compiled a list of possible scenarios causing the spectacle:

A.) A heated argument regarding whose wireless provider is in fact the most superior came to fruition with the man smashing the woman's Verizon-serviced phone. She then deservedly thrashes him while screaming (translated) "Verizon is the mother-fucking network you piece of shit!". [Obviously the most likely scenario]

B.) A heated argument erupts over the man's speculation that the woman has been cheating while playing Words With Friends. This friendship was over, in so many words.

C.) The man read his girlfriend's text messages, and gets seriously pissed off about some from an anonymous male suitor. He accuses her of cheating, and trashes her phone. She reacts not in response to the accusations, but to her phone being destroyed. 

D.) [Insert you own ridiculous story]

Welcome to Chicago.