If you're reading this, then you have or HAD a facebook account. On facebook, you no doubt have come across common interests on people's profiles. I am here to explain a few of these popular interests, and what they actually mean about the young man on whose profile they appear. The first statement is what they want to you think, and the second is what they really mean.
Drinking:
"I like to have a good time, and relax a little. I can be a real fun person to let loose with."
"I drink voluminous amounts of light/lite beer, and/or cheap liquor. I will even do this on a Tuesday afternoon, and have no idea what is in a Singapore Sling."
Meeting People:
"I find people really interesting. There are so many people out there, all with unique stories to share."
"Usually while engaging in interest #1, I like to approach moderately attractive females, and wait for an awkward pause in their ramblings before making out, and hopefully sleeping with them on a pile of dirty laundry."
Working Out/Going to the Gym:
"I'm in really good shape. Really. You should wonder how much I bench press."
"I like to look at myself in the mirror at the gym. When not doing this, I like to pretend I'm not comparing myself to other guys at the gym. I will waste 80% of my time "working out" giving unsolicited advice to other, smaller, gym goers."
Playing the Guitar:
"I am talented, and am going places. You could go places too, if you are seen with me."
"I find carrying my guitar around to as many places as possible, hoping someone takes a picture of me holding it, to be totally worth the burden."
Traveling:
"I'm a world-fucking-traveler. I have been places. I like to hold excluding conversations about places I've been with other world travelers. You could learn a lot from me."
"I prefer to go on vacation someplace warm, to not going on vacation someplace warm. I took one good trip somewhere, and if you ask me about it, I won't shut up."
God/Jesus:
"I'm saved."
"I feel guilty a lot."
Laughing:
"I make people laugh, and am generally found to be enjoyable company for this reason."
"I am capable of laughing, but am not very funny myself. If you are a guy that is funnier than me, I might laugh at what you say, but will secretly despise you for stealing attention away from me."
Networking:
"I am really interested in meeting new people, so that we can form mutually beneficial relationships to further our careers."
"I will spend hours of my day scouring facebook for cleavage pics."
Reading:
"I am pretty interesting. If you want to talk Victorian-era literature, I'm your man."
"I have read The Outsiders for a class once, and found it pretty enjoyable. I'm told that I will find other books to be equally as enjoyable, but I prefer to watch T.V. and just carry around a copy of On The Road when I ride the subway."
Beerpong:
"Beerpong"
"Beerpong"
Family:
"There is nothing more important to me than family. I hope to someday have a family of my own."
"I have a large, unavoidable family."
Dancing:
"I might salsa, I might tango, I might foxtrot, you'll just have to ask!"
"I find that gyrating on a dance floor near, or on women, helps me get laid."
Food:
"I'm just like you; I like a scoop of ice cream every once in awhile, its OK to like food."
"I am not a robot, and require caloric sustenance. I do like to eat, and might even be overweight, but won't forgive you if you are."
Movies:
"I'm quite a film buff. What me to explain what film noir means? Because, I know."
"I prefer to sit around in my greek letter sweatpants and watch the creative adventures of other people, rather than seek out some of my own."
OR
"I could make it in ShowBiz if someone would just read my screenplay."
Hanging out/chillin' with friends:
"I have friends, and we like to take it easy sometimes. We'll laugh, and have interesting conversations, and time will just slip away."
"I don't really have too many hobbies that take away from the time I devote to sitting on my ass. I have a few friends that share the same few hobbies as me, and we make a half-assed attempt at enjoying them together before we sit around and drink light/lite beer and feel sorry about women we haven't slept with."
Peace:
"Give it a chance."
"I am in college, or have recently graduated, and have yet to find a job. I also think women prefer peace to war, and assume it is in my best interest to also like peace."
Music:
"I celebrate all genres of music, and my favorite band is so underground that they have yet to exist."
"I have an iPOD."
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