These Things She Said to Me...

The following are actual quotes (all of them said to me) from my fiancee- the lovely and eloquent Jessica Bersani. Some of these make her out to look like a scathing wench, but I would swear in a court of law that she is nothing less than the apple brandy of my eye. All of these quotes come from


1. "No more games, there goes the M&M"

2. "I'm gonna sweat you with my tits."

3. "I'm so glad you split bagels with me; that's why I'm marrying you- to have someone to split bagels with."

4. "I'm not eating corn chips in this tub."

5. "Lift your arms, it goes around you, you fool."

6. "I've had a sharp, piercing pain in my chest, ever since you farted, and it won't go away."

7. "What stupid thing are you going to say today?"

8. "If you don't stop lying, I'm going to fart."

9. "I'm ready to deposit you back downstairs. Take your things, because you aren't coming back."

10. "It smells like ass in this room...maybe, because I'm standing next to your naked self."

11. "I feel like I'm sending you off to battle."

12. "You said the nucleus is down there."

13. "Now you smell like peas even more."

14. "Anything my tits can do to make your back feel better."

15. "I'm going to be on the phone with an important call, so don't come out of the shower singing about penises or anything."

16. "Do you understand the things I just said to you?"

17. "No, my legs will not be your desktop. I'm gonna buck."

18. "Why don't you help me up the normal-ass way?"

19. "I'm slapping you with my toe. Snap out of it."

20. "We're not talking about my muffin."


Just for fun, comment on your favorite, and guess the scenario in which the quote was spake.