The Camel News Hour: Eight Years of Master-Batting

In the summer of 2003, I got the idea in my head to form a co-ed softball team. I still don't remember why. This past week, we finally won the league championship. Here is our story...

The original team consisted of my five best friends and I, along with as many former baseball and softball players we could get our hands on. We chose an adult co-ed 14" league that played on Monday nights. Being as how it was an adult league, half of our players were under 18 (myself included) and playing illegally. I paid the $400 owed to the Bartlett Park District by handing over a sweaty roll of cash bound by a rubber band. The park district secretary looked bewildered. Nevertheless, our American currency was good and our rag-tag outfit took the field ten times that season.

We were young, athletic and energetic- there was no way we wouldn't crush our opponents. Going in with this mentality, we decided it a good idea to loosen up with a few beer bongs in the garage before our first game. When efficiently lubricated, we piled into cars belonging to the sober girls we always kept handy back then and prepared to capture our first victory as the Sam's Garage Master Batters (I also don't know how I came up with the second part of the name, but I'm sure I'm not the first to use it as the name of a softball team). Our starting shortstop at the time, Andy Soukal, asked if he could use the bathroom. I assumed he meant peeing on a bush on the side of my house (which was the style at the time). Unfortunately for Andy, he meant going inside my house to use the indoor plumbing, which also meant he would come face-to-face with my dog, Jazz. From outside I heard barking and screaming, and saw Andy finally pour out of the garage door in a fit of hysteria. Jazz, ya see, didn't (and still doesn't) like unannounced visitors. As it turns out, he takes particular offense to young male strangers that smell of beer and cigarettes with red mustaches painted on their faces.

Jazz basically mauled Andy. His leg was bleeding profusely from a few dents in his calf where flesh had once been. Regardless, we took the field that night. Andy still hasn't forgiven Jazz for the incident, and still brings it up to this day. I guess no one can blame him.

Our first game we were drunk, underage, dressed and painted in red, smoking and chewing tobacco on the field, and about to get our young pale asses handed to us by "old" people. The comedy of errors that ensued while we were on the field included Andy Soukal fielding a ball at shortstop, hurling toward home plate to catch a runner, missing the entire backstop and hitting the umpire's car. Lucky for us nothing was damaged, including Andy's pride, as he was blind drunk and bleeding out.

The rest of the season would follow in-suite, with the team winning only our tenth and final game. We rushed the field as if we had won game seven, happy to finish with at least one win. Over the eight seasons that followed, players came and went including but not limited to- Andy Soukal, Mike Coscino, Chris Echternach, Jason Foster, Ryan Monaghan, Frank Lovecchio, Derek Self, Joe Legions, Paige Blair, Cait Considine, Collen Conway, Kristin Oberg, Jamie Miller, Samantha Williams, Jenna Mallory and others... There was however a core group of players that always remained including- Myself, Jonathan Angarola, Mike LaGrasse, Brandon Monaghan and Robyn Lovecchio. The core values always remained as well- having fun being the most important.

We would later switch to a Friday night league, so as to better party and celebrate as a team in the garage afterwords (which we did adamantly) and developed a fan following of friends that would attend the games and haze opposing players while drinking Old Style and smoking Camels. As we got older, the game itself became more important, and our skills progressed. We switched back to a Monday night league, as Friday was already a great day without softball, and now in our twenties we needed something to look forward to after a Monday's work schedule. Returning to this time slot we began to excel. We consistently had winning records, and made the playoffs twice, advancing farther each time until finally winning it all this year.

Moving to Chicago, this was my last season with the team I helped create and I couldn't be more happy that I can retire a champion. Here is to everyone who ever swung a bat as a Master Batter. We might all be older, heavier and slower, but we still Master Bat.