Something Borrowed

Two very good friends of mine (Joe and Cherelle) are tying the knot this upcoming May, and it made me think about the whole being a groomsman thing, and more specifically, renting a tuxedo.

Almost every man that gets married, rents a tuxedo to wear during their nuptials. This makes sense, as most men do not own their own tuxedos, and even if they did, you would have to be very optimistic to think that you will still fit in it for enough years to make it worth buying one for your wedding. So, we rent them. The thing I thought was funny about the whole experience, is that on this, the most important day of your life (I hope), you aren't even wearing your own clothes! In fact, you are wearing a tuxedo that belongs to a complete stranger, who has in turn loaned it out to countless other strangers before you.

With that in mind, one can only wonder what things must have happened to the men that have worn that tuxedo before you:

At least one young man has lost his virginity after prom, wearing that tuxedo. At least one man has lost his virginity after his wedding, wearing that tuxedo (sucker). At least one man has sweat his balls off dancing to "Rock me Amadeus" at a wedding he barely got invited to, wearing that tuxedo. At least one man, a BEST man, has embarrassed himself in front of everyone that knows him by drunkenly admitting in his speech that he slept with the bride before the groom did, wearing that tuxedo. It is safe to assume also, that someone has vomited on that tuxedo; urinated in that tuxedo; ejaculated in, or on that tuxedo; bled on that tuxedo (the aforementioned "best" man). At the very least, a couple dozen, to over a hundred men (depending on the age of the garment) have carried around their sweaty balls, in front of their sweaty asses, in that tuxedo.

One could look at this as an awful, awful thing. Or, you can trust in the integrity of modern day dry-cleaning chemicals, and be happy for what IS still in that tuxedo: Good vibes.

The vast majority of men that have worn those threads have had the time of their lives doing so. You don't rent a tuxedo to go to a funeral, and the people that wear tuxedos for every damn occasion usually own their own. No, the men that rented the tuxedo you're wearing, while freely giving up your life of bachelorhood, have been the tail chasing, open bar perching, social smoking, mistake making American men that you have always been one of yourself.

So if you find yourself standing at the alter as your bride-to-be is taking the most life changing steps toward you, and you think to yourself for just a second, "I wish I were in someone else's shoes right now", remember...you are.