Male Enhancement and You.

I see all of these pills, creams and torture-device looking things that people sell to poor bastards who dream of having a bigger wiener. I think to myself that of course they don't work, and deep down everyone knows this. If any of this actually worked, and someone really had solved the riddle of how to eat something  and make your dick permanently and safely bigger, it would change the world.

For one thing, it would be bigger (hehe) than Viagra. Probably about 108% of men would consider buying it, or get a prescription for it if that is necessary. If this was sold as a prescription, what would be the required symptoms, and who would decide? I'd love to see that conversation at the doctor's office:

Doctor

What seems to be the problem?

 

Poor Bastard

Well Doc, I have a tiny dick.

 

Doctor

Ok, let's take a look.

 

(Poor bastard drops drawers)
 

Doctor

Oh my, that IS a problem. I'm writing you a prescription for self-confidence. Take only two of these a day, or the side-effects will be considerable.

Three days later the guy walks back into the doctor's office carrying his colossal dick like a newborn baby.

If one did show self-restraint when it came time to take your "prescription" your new big dick would probably still be small by comparison. It is all relative really. If everyone has a big dick, then the guys who had the original big dicks would have to start taking trips to Mexico to buy the magic pill as well. I mean, having a big dick was probably all that they had going for them to begin with, because most guys with giant schlongs don't feel the need to compensate in other areas.

So, the original big dicks would become the big dicks once more. But, they would never get laid again because now their penises are of such enormous proportion that women would risk post-coital surgery by putting it anywhere near them. In fact, very few guys would be able to show enough restraint to stop when their dick reached an enjoyable size, because then they would have a small dick again. And lets face it, it is more important to have the status of having a big dick than to give females pleasure with it. At least that is the way it was explained to me in 5th grade sex education.

World-production would be down since, as I have mentioned, everyone with a big dick (everyone) wouldn't feel the need to make a lot of money or better themselves in any other way. Unless you worked tourism in Mexico, or making underwear for enormous packages, you're probably going to lose your job you big-dick bastard.



The industry that would especially suffer is anything known to help men compensate for their minuscule members- i.e. sports cars, jet-skis, motorcycles, Rottweilers, etc.

If any of these mediums to big-dickery actually worked, the guy that invented it would be the richest man in a world with a declining world market, a steep decline in sports car sales, men stalking women like animals (more so than now even), and horribly sore vaginas all around the world.

Despite the fact that we don't live in a world like the one described, men still look at pills and creams called something like "Thor's Hammer Cock" with ambiguous "proprietary blends" and think to themselves, "But, maybe this is the one that will finally work. Just, maybe." And for only $4.95 a pill, who can blame them?

I certainly hope cancer gets cured before we see 3 Billion giant wangs being dragged across creation, because that would be disgusting (the wangs, not the cancer).