Dealing in booze like I do, I've seen some things, man. Below, you'll find a brief description of what you can expect if you pass-out drunk in a variety of places.
On a train- Common. However, if you do it right, you'll end up end of the line, with a conductor and/or a police officer shaking your ass up, and off the train. If you do it really well, you'll be violent and end up hand-cuffed to a hospital bed.
Under a car- From an evolutionary perspective, I get it. You're pissed out of your tree with an uncanny urge to be horizontal, yet out of the elements, so you settle on shelter under an auto. If you're lucky, the owner doesn't have anywhere to go for awhile. If you're not, the absolute worst way to wake up, is six inches from the undercarriage of a car when it starts, with the crippling hangover you deserve.
In a playground- If there is a God, you find yourself here on a Sunday, or Columbus day, when there are no children to poke you awake with a stick, because you've pissed your pants on their favorite slide.
In a church- If you can manage it, this is the best place to pass out drunk. Not only are a lot of churches open most of the time, presumably for sinners to ask God's forgiveness, but they are heated and there is plenty of space. You will also be woken up gently, if at all, and can even swing a free meal out of it if you look particularly disheveled.
In class- Your professor will punish you with embarassment, at least. He/she may even slam a book on the ground next to you. They may even smack the arm that is supporting your drunken face, sending it to the desk to meet a pool of your own drool.
At a Bar- Tom Hanks will take a picture with your phone, and absolutely nothing else will happen.
On a Bus- Similar to the train, except you will not be the only person unconscious, and these other people will smell even worse than you. It takes some of the heat off of you, for sure.
In A Box, With a Fox- Disastrous.
Much like a relationship, hard to get out of sober
No comments:
Post a Comment